08.29.07 From the Vixen
Movies/TV > What High School Should Be Like (And Isn't)
Written by Ashly Burch
As shown through examples of TV and film.
High school sucks a bit; everyone knows this. You’re awkward and insecure and generally unhappy and you wish there was a way for you to not be awkward and insecure and generally unhappy, or just for school to be less shitty than it is, which would perhaps serve to remedy those three things (although probably not). You muse that if these are supposedly “the best years of your life”, then the rest of it must be pretty crap. And you wonder how school would be like if it wasn’t entirely disappointing. Doublevixen can help with the last part.
1. Daria
You may or may not recall this MTV masterpiece, named for its central character, that largely warped my perception of what high school would actually be like as a child. Daria (green jacket, black skirt), a cynical, monotone, misanthropic teenager lives in a world of a lack of diversity of dress, in which cheerleaders and football players are endearingly stupid, teachers overtly insult their students, with the occasional cool person (Like Jane [red jacket], Daria’s similarly cynical but somewhat more playful artist friend) thrown in the middle to balance things out. Daria spends the majority of her time making witty and sardonic comments, embarrassing her sister Quinn (pink shirt and jeans), who is co-president of the school fashion club (that never grows any larger than the four girls that founded it), and having a shy and awkward crush on Jane’s brother, Trent. Watching this program as a kid, I formed an inaccurate image of high school in my mind that is much more complimentary than the actual reality. I thought that the popular kids would be amusingly idiotic, but harmless, and that there would be at least two or three Daria-types that I might hope to befriend or at least hear banter intelligently with other students. Unfortunately, neither was particularly true. The Brittanys and Kevins of the world, who are stupid, but well liked and well meaning, are few and far between, and there has yet to be an equal to Daria that I can find. Obviously the show itself was meant to be an overt exaggeration of the actuality of high school, but I didn’t realize that at the time. Daria’s world is certainly preferable to the reality, however, mostly because she and Jane are in it, and everyone else, although inane and shallow, are mostly amusing rather than oppressive or malicious.
2. Brick
Take a hardboiled, noir detective story and slap it in the middle of a high school setting, and you get Brick. The story, simplistically paraphrased, follows a highly insightful and intelligent teenager named Brendan in his quest to avenge his murdered ex-girlfriend, who had, subsequent to their break up, involved herself to some degree in the drug underground. The film is brilliantly directed, written, and acted with dialogue both clever and appropriate to its tone, and a complexity of storyline that manages not to feel misplaced despite the setting. As far as it being better than actual high school, although I wouldn’t exactly want an abundance of death happening on my campus, I certainly would like to meet and associate with a few of the characters; particularly Brendan, The Brain and maybe even The Pin.
Brendan, as aforementioned, is the film’s protagonist; a hardened outcast with keenly developed observational skills and both cleverness and intellect to boot. He’s brooding, but not in an irritatingly shallow way like most people who attempt to appear detached and superior, and he’s undoubtedly a lot more interesting than most of the kids I go to school with. Oh, and talk about persistence (in a positive way); you know how much shit he goes through to get to the bottom of his ex-girlfriend’s death? She could’ve told him that someone stole her lunch money, and he wouldn’t have slept until he’d hunted the guy down, slapped him around a bit and/or sent him flying head first into a pole (both of these things happen in the movie; I’m not just pulling them out of my ass). Then there’s The Brain, who acts as something of an information man for Brendan; a similarly ostracized individual who finds out details and necessary clues that help Brendan piece together his case. The Brain isn’t as compelling as Brendan is as a character, which could be attributed to the fact that we don’t see him very often in the film, but regardless he just seems like an interesting person to be around, particularly in comparison to people one actually interacts with in a high school setting. He’s potentially socially awkward, but resourceful and loyal and clever, and you can’t help but admire the fact that he helps Brendan out without particularly asking for anything in return. And of course, The Pin; he’s a drug dealer in the film and it’s his business that Brendan’s ex-girlfriend is tied up in, but there is something so saddening and sympathetic about The Pin that you can’t really help but like him just a little bit. He’s crippled and physically weak, lonely, and he reads Lord of the Rings to revel in the imagery; not something you would expect out of a drug runner. It astounds and depresses me that these fictional people are so much more interesting than those I actually go to school with. Generally, though, shit just seems a lot more grave or impacting (or at the very least intriguing) in the Brick world.
3. Sixteen Candles
The justification for this movie being on the list is pretty much that there are no nerdy, social outcasts at my school, or any school for that matter, that are as cute as John Cusack. That’s the long and short of it. In a perfect world, all nerdy, social outcasts, regardless of gender, would be John Cusack. But they are not, and thus Sixteen Candles is preferable to actual high school. Never mind the unrealistic nonsense of getting the guy, or the astronomically unlikely chance that a hot girl would fall for Anthony Michael Hall pre-Edward Scissorhands (which, Christ, how did he grow so much? I mean, look at Sixteen Candles or Breakfast Club or something and then go watch Edward Scissorhands. It’s ridiculous; you can hardly recognize him); comparative to John Cusack, these things are unimportant. In fact, when comparing most things to John Cusack, whichever thing isn’t John Cusack will be, more than likely, unimportant.
4. Azumanga Daioh
Azumanga Daioh is a Japanese anime/manga that follows the day to day lives of three high school girls: Chiyo, the child prodigy who skipped from fifth to tenth grade; Tomo, who is incredibly competitive (although she isn’t skilled in anything) and vaguely stupid; Yomi, who is the smartest and most mature out of the six although she has preoccupations about her weight; Sakaki, who is vastly gifted in athletics, has an unintentionally intimidating, distancing demeanor and a predilection for cute things; Osaka, who is strange and very absent minded, and Kagura, who is similar to Tomo in her inclination toward competition, but is actually exceptionally good at athletics. There’s also Yukari-sensei, their insane and irresponsible teacher, Kurosawa-sensei, their sane and responsible teacher, Kimura-sensei, who openly and frequently admits that he likes younger girls, and a cast of minor characters mostly comprised of students (including one that has a cute and obsessive lesbian crush on Sakaki). There’s a strange sort of humor in Azumanga Daioh that relies predominately on comedic timing and the odd melding of the contrasting personalities of the girls that makes it really enjoyable to watch. The descriptions that I gave of the characters probably generated images and scenarios in your head reminiscent of the really generic and stereotypical anime that we all know and kind of loathe, but trust me, I’m not a big anime connoisseur (I only genuinely like two or three animes), and I can tell you that this show is definitely a joy to watch. It shifts from moments of overt ridiculousness to those of tender sincerity without seeming forced or oddly placed, while simultaneously preserving a very light and simplistic mood. And generally, it’s just hysterical.
As far as it being a superior high school setting, though, the reasoning lies in the simple fact that everyone is just really nice to each other in Azumanga Daioh. If there was a student that went from fifth to tenth grade in any average high school and was better at everyone else at the class work, they would be constantly ridiculed and probably ceremoniously beaten. But everyone gets along really well in this fictional setting; they do everything together, they accept everyone (except Kimura, who is creepy) and they’re generally just very amusing. They all interact really well with each other too, which you wouldn’t really imagine being possible given their diverse personalities. They also have really cute festivals where they convert their classrooms into haunted houses or cafés or haunted house cafés, which I think would be really fun to do, admittedly.
1. Daria
You may or may not recall this MTV masterpiece, named for its central character, that largely warped my perception of what high school would actually be like as a child. Daria (green jacket, black skirt), a cynical, monotone, misanthropic teenager lives in a world of a lack of diversity of dress, in which cheerleaders and football players are endearingly stupid, teachers overtly insult their students, with the occasional cool person (Like Jane [red jacket], Daria’s similarly cynical but somewhat more playful artist friend) thrown in the middle to balance things out. Daria spends the majority of her time making witty and sardonic comments, embarrassing her sister Quinn (pink shirt and jeans), who is co-president of the school fashion club (that never grows any larger than the four girls that founded it), and having a shy and awkward crush on Jane’s brother, Trent. Watching this program as a kid, I formed an inaccurate image of high school in my mind that is much more complimentary than the actual reality. I thought that the popular kids would be amusingly idiotic, but harmless, and that there would be at least two or three Daria-types that I might hope to befriend or at least hear banter intelligently with other students. Unfortunately, neither was particularly true. The Brittanys and Kevins of the world, who are stupid, but well liked and well meaning, are few and far between, and there has yet to be an equal to Daria that I can find. Obviously the show itself was meant to be an overt exaggeration of the actuality of high school, but I didn’t realize that at the time. Daria’s world is certainly preferable to the reality, however, mostly because she and Jane are in it, and everyone else, although inane and shallow, are mostly amusing rather than oppressive or malicious.
2. Brick
Take a hardboiled, noir detective story and slap it in the middle of a high school setting, and you get Brick. The story, simplistically paraphrased, follows a highly insightful and intelligent teenager named Brendan in his quest to avenge his murdered ex-girlfriend, who had, subsequent to their break up, involved herself to some degree in the drug underground. The film is brilliantly directed, written, and acted with dialogue both clever and appropriate to its tone, and a complexity of storyline that manages not to feel misplaced despite the setting. As far as it being better than actual high school, although I wouldn’t exactly want an abundance of death happening on my campus, I certainly would like to meet and associate with a few of the characters; particularly Brendan, The Brain and maybe even The Pin.
Brendan, as aforementioned, is the film’s protagonist; a hardened outcast with keenly developed observational skills and both cleverness and intellect to boot. He’s brooding, but not in an irritatingly shallow way like most people who attempt to appear detached and superior, and he’s undoubtedly a lot more interesting than most of the kids I go to school with. Oh, and talk about persistence (in a positive way); you know how much shit he goes through to get to the bottom of his ex-girlfriend’s death? She could’ve told him that someone stole her lunch money, and he wouldn’t have slept until he’d hunted the guy down, slapped him around a bit and/or sent him flying head first into a pole (both of these things happen in the movie; I’m not just pulling them out of my ass). Then there’s The Brain, who acts as something of an information man for Brendan; a similarly ostracized individual who finds out details and necessary clues that help Brendan piece together his case. The Brain isn’t as compelling as Brendan is as a character, which could be attributed to the fact that we don’t see him very often in the film, but regardless he just seems like an interesting person to be around, particularly in comparison to people one actually interacts with in a high school setting. He’s potentially socially awkward, but resourceful and loyal and clever, and you can’t help but admire the fact that he helps Brendan out without particularly asking for anything in return. And of course, The Pin; he’s a drug dealer in the film and it’s his business that Brendan’s ex-girlfriend is tied up in, but there is something so saddening and sympathetic about The Pin that you can’t really help but like him just a little bit. He’s crippled and physically weak, lonely, and he reads Lord of the Rings to revel in the imagery; not something you would expect out of a drug runner. It astounds and depresses me that these fictional people are so much more interesting than those I actually go to school with. Generally, though, shit just seems a lot more grave or impacting (or at the very least intriguing) in the Brick world.
3. Sixteen Candles
The justification for this movie being on the list is pretty much that there are no nerdy, social outcasts at my school, or any school for that matter, that are as cute as John Cusack. That’s the long and short of it. In a perfect world, all nerdy, social outcasts, regardless of gender, would be John Cusack. But they are not, and thus Sixteen Candles is preferable to actual high school. Never mind the unrealistic nonsense of getting the guy, or the astronomically unlikely chance that a hot girl would fall for Anthony Michael Hall pre-Edward Scissorhands (which, Christ, how did he grow so much? I mean, look at Sixteen Candles or Breakfast Club or something and then go watch Edward Scissorhands. It’s ridiculous; you can hardly recognize him); comparative to John Cusack, these things are unimportant. In fact, when comparing most things to John Cusack, whichever thing isn’t John Cusack will be, more than likely, unimportant.
4. Azumanga Daioh
Azumanga Daioh is a Japanese anime/manga that follows the day to day lives of three high school girls: Chiyo, the child prodigy who skipped from fifth to tenth grade; Tomo, who is incredibly competitive (although she isn’t skilled in anything) and vaguely stupid; Yomi, who is the smartest and most mature out of the six although she has preoccupations about her weight; Sakaki, who is vastly gifted in athletics, has an unintentionally intimidating, distancing demeanor and a predilection for cute things; Osaka, who is strange and very absent minded, and Kagura, who is similar to Tomo in her inclination toward competition, but is actually exceptionally good at athletics. There’s also Yukari-sensei, their insane and irresponsible teacher, Kurosawa-sensei, their sane and responsible teacher, Kimura-sensei, who openly and frequently admits that he likes younger girls, and a cast of minor characters mostly comprised of students (including one that has a cute and obsessive lesbian crush on Sakaki). There’s a strange sort of humor in Azumanga Daioh that relies predominately on comedic timing and the odd melding of the contrasting personalities of the girls that makes it really enjoyable to watch. The descriptions that I gave of the characters probably generated images and scenarios in your head reminiscent of the really generic and stereotypical anime that we all know and kind of loathe, but trust me, I’m not a big anime connoisseur (I only genuinely like two or three animes), and I can tell you that this show is definitely a joy to watch. It shifts from moments of overt ridiculousness to those of tender sincerity without seeming forced or oddly placed, while simultaneously preserving a very light and simplistic mood. And generally, it’s just hysterical.
As far as it being a superior high school setting, though, the reasoning lies in the simple fact that everyone is just really nice to each other in Azumanga Daioh. If there was a student that went from fifth to tenth grade in any average high school and was better at everyone else at the class work, they would be constantly ridiculed and probably ceremoniously beaten. But everyone gets along really well in this fictional setting; they do everything together, they accept everyone (except Kimura, who is creepy) and they’re generally just very amusing. They all interact really well with each other too, which you wouldn’t really imagine being possible given their diverse personalities. They also have really cute festivals where they convert their classrooms into haunted houses or cafés or haunted house cafés, which I think would be really fun to do, admittedly.
