09.27.07 From the Vixen
Music > Unusual Love Songs
Written by Ashly Burch
The unconventional, the interesting, the creepy; a list of love songs that don't follow nobody's rules.
As history has shown us, the songs that we have enjoyed in the past, do enjoy in the present, and will enjoy in the future are all inspired by various facets of our everyday lives that ultimately connect to experiences shared within humanity as a whole, thus explaining music’s ability to affect people so deeply and so immediately on an emotional level. And there is no greater subject that inspires such synonymous passion, heartbreak, elation, what have you, than the subject of love and its related components (lust, for instance). As such, there are a shitload of love songs. Of course I could go on endlessly about the timeless classics, but I’d rather look at the stranger ones. The love songs that are just a tad unusual, unconventional, or maybe downright creepy. Eat your heart out, Michael Bolton.
1. There is a Light That Never Goes Out – The Smiths
The Smiths are, arguably, one of the most influential musical groups in recent history and one of the greatest, in general, to boot. Through the unique vocal talents of their lead singer Morrissey and their morbidly intelligent lyrics, they have found a warm and secure place in the heart of every brooding “indie” kid shuffling awkwardly about high school and college campuses all over the world. “There is a Light That Never Goes Out” is probably one of, if not the most, recognizable of their songs, and if I were to take a guess at why that is, I would have to say it’s because of the hauntingly touching words of its chorus:
And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die.
And if a ten ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure - the privilege, is mine.
Hardly the most conventional proclamation of love, romantic or platonic, but I would say astronomically effective. Essentially: “I wouldn’t mind dying if I died with you,” or, furthermore, “It would be an honor to die with you.” Somehow the contrast between the horrific notion of being hit by a massive vehicle and the undeniable sweetness of the message makes the song that much more poignant and memorable. It’s the perfect marriage of that sort of desperate hopelessness that The Smiths are associated with and a sincere expression of adoration. And honestly, what a complimentary expression; “I would want to spend the final moments of my life with you.” Almost cliché, if it’s stated like that, but The Smiths do have that way of making everything seem a lot better and more original than anyone else could.
2. Love Song – Andrew Jackson Jihad
Unfortunately, the only available clip of this on Youtube was the one I included above, within which half of the song has been cut out and all the lyrics are being screamed by people that are not members of Andrew Jackson Jihad. It will, regrettably, have to suffice. Anyway; what’s great about this song, and obviously what sets it apart from others of similar subject matter, is its deliberate and hilarious awfulness. Not in its quality, mind you, but in its lyrics:
I like telling dirty jokes
And I like smoking crystal meth
But darling, I love you.
And I like laughing at retards
And I like throwing rocks at dogs
But darling, I love you.
Rinse and repeat for the remainder of the song, except I would probably say that its offensiveness grows exponentially the longer it goes. Which is, in a word: awesome. The fourth line is a bit of a soft spot, but otherwise political incorrectness has the potential to be incredibly amusing if you’re in the right state of mind for it. The fact that the song is so light and airy (and actually physically demands that you bob your head when listening to it. Try to restrain the impulse; it’s impossible) and the accompanying lyrics are so not at all what you would expect them to be makes “Love Song” an incredibly unusual and quite enjoyable romantic ode.
3. Every Breath You Take – The Police
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you.
So. This is awkward. Remember in the introduction when I mentioned “creepy”? I was talking about this. A little bit more than creepy, actually; a bit stalker-ish, if I must step into that territory. “Every bond you break” isn’t so bad, and the later lyrics, such as, “every game you play” and “every vow you break” make sense, but the fact that it opens with the lines “every breath you take” and “every move you make” that are subsequently followed by “I’ll be watching you” is a bit off-putting if we can be completely honest with each other. I can understand that you think she belongs to you, Sting, and that you long for her embrace; you’re hurting, and as I said, there’s that familiarity of circumstance that all those of similar physicality (except for monkeys) experience as well, so I can also empathize with you at least to some degree. But…watching every movement? Every breath? That’s a bit more than alarming. It’s quite foreboding, actually; almost like he’s threatening more than he is lamenting, which is entirely possible.
The song is pretty catchy, admittedly, and its instrumentals are deceptive in that one might hear them individually and assume that “Every Breath You Take” is something of a conventional song of heartbreak, but La Policia decided to take it one step further into obsessive and illegal territory. Which is funny, right, because the name of their band is The Police? And stalking is illegal? Moving on.
4. Close-Cropped –
I can’t find any sort of way of linking to this song, unfortunately. I will just have to tell you that it’s good; it’s poppy, it’s kicking, it’s jumping, etc. You can trust me on this.
Are you with or without her?
You’d be so much happier with me
Are you available?
You see, I’m unrestrainable
Can’t you see?
The singer, who is a male, then goes on to describe all of the physical attributes that his subject of affection has that he wants, ie: “I want your close-cropped hair”, “and your handsome thighs”, and then later he references 3-day stubble tearing across his cheek. What am I driving at, ladies and gentlemen? Simply that he’s gay. I think it’s neat. You don’t really hear too many songs that overtly reference homosexual relationships, and this one doesn’t treat it like a big deal (because it isn’t), which is a good thing. It’s your general “I am attracted to you, please recognize this”, but instead of a man pining after a woman, or vice versa, it’s a man and a man. It’s also sort of funny that the “I’m cooler than your girlfriend, dump her and date me” idea is worked in, only it’s a gay man enticing a potentially straight man into a homosexual relationship.
I have this under an “unusual romance songs” article, which might be completely defeating the point that I’m trying to refer to, but the fact that it is about a gay love affair (or the singer’s desire for a gay love affair) and that it is treated in such a way that the nature of the relationship is secondary to the very relatable, primal and universal desire of culminating an attraction, is very cool. You might not even catch that it’s gay-oriented at all if you’re not listening hard enough. It’s just a nice example that you can hold up to say “look how similar the pursuance of love in gay relationships is to straight relationships and how silly is it that we feel it so necessary to differentiate between the two”.
5. I Touch Myself – The Divinyls
I don't want anybody else.
When I think about you
I touch myself.
I don't want anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no.
Girls masturbate too?! No way! All right, so this is less about romance, more about lust, but any way you spin it, it's points to feminine sexual empowerment. This maternal stuff is crap; girls need to get off too. And how strange (and awesome) it is for a song to come right out and admit it. When I think about you, I don't dream about marriage and raising kids and making a home together; no, I get aroused and I fiddle with my downstairs just like you do. There was some big brouhaha because of the subject matter when the song debuted in the states, but anyone that was opposing it probably could've used a bit of 'touching' themselves. The bottom line is that the song helped trash the 'delicate flower', 'loving mother' routine (to some degree) in favor of exhibiting the reality that women are just as sexual and in need of that sort of gratification as men are. Which is groovy.
6. The Luckiest – Ben Folds
“The Luckiest” is actually a very appropriate sort of love song; it’s sweet and appreciative and has all those sort of “I live for you, where would I be without you” moments, but where it deviates from your standard romance song is in its word and the lyrical manifestation of that love:
What if I’d been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike Would I know?
You might look at that stanza and think, “Fifty years older? That’s sort of strange and mildly pedophilic”, but that’s exactly the sort of thing that makes this both an effective and unusual love song. There are so many taboos in our society right now concerning love and marriage and what’s acceptable and what’s not that it boggles the mind. It seems that many people are missing the entire point. Age, sex, race; doesn’t matter whatsoever. You only have to ask one question: do you love this person? If they say yes, then fuck the rest. Obviously the message of those lines isn’t that a fifty-year-old guy being in love with a little girl is okay; it’s that love, true love, transcends all forms and is ever present despite age or any other limitation. I recognize, obviously, that there are boundaries that need to be set; obviously an immature and impressionable, fourteen-year-old can’t go dating a thirty-year old, but if you’re thirty and he’s sixty and you genuinely love each other, then who cares? And who cares if you’re both women? Or one of you is Iraqi? Or you’re both women, she’s Iraqi and forty years your senior? Love is love is love and “The Luckiest” makes that point absolutely sweetly and perfectly.
What if I’d been born fifty years before you
