I honestly don’t think Christopher Eccleston is unappealing on general principle; in fact, I don’t think any of these men are, but the fact that my brother is quite often astounded whenever I divulge my attractions leads me to believe that I might be the only one that thinks so. However, I could see where he’s coming from in this case; there’s a scene in one episode of Doctor Who (yeah, I know, he was The Doctor; I’m obsessed, I know. It’s unhealthy, I’m coping) where he’s being tortured without his shirt on and he is all rib cage and lank and my brother feels compelled to throw up his hands and ask, “You think he’s cute?” I do indeed, and I’m not afraid to admit it; Christopher Eccleston is a dreamboat. Captain of the dreamboat, even.

Eccleston is an actor of both small and large screen, most famously recognizable due to his (regrettably) short stay on the widely popular UK television show Doctor Who (which has something equaling to cult status here in the states). You might also remember him as the general (major? Some title denoting superior rank?) from 28 Days Later that keeps one of his zombie soldiers as a pet. Either way, if you’ve seen him in anything, you probably didn’t sit up in your seat to get a better look. In fact, Doctor Who writers Russell T. Davies and Steven Moffat (particularly Steven Moffat) make a point of comparing him unfavorably to the irritatingly attractive John Barrowman as well as poking fun at the size of his ears and nose. But what makes Christopher Eccleston so attractive as to warrant a place on this list is, essentially, his skill in acting. In his role as The Doctor especially, he shifts from moods of unadulterated, dorky glee to very somber or even angry introversion. He’s witty, charming, goofy, saddening, enraged and everything in between, and for every emotion there’s a very tangible passion behind his actions and facial expression. He’s got that sort of Rhett Butler/Phantom of the Opera feel to him, except in a way that’s more intelligent and alluring, and, in the Phantom’s case, less creepy. I likes me a passionate and intelligent men, and as a result I find Christopher Eccleston endlessly attractive.

2.) Gary Oldman

Oh, Gary Oldman. This man has woven his way into my heart and the hearts of everyone I know simply because he is indisputably badass and an incredibly gifted performer. You’ll recall him as Stansfield from The Professional, Zorg from The Fifth Element, and, most famously, Sirius Black from the Harry Potter films. There is not a character that Gary Oldman plays that he does not own and embody completely. Even when he’s drunk (as in the case of The Scarlet Letter, allegedly) he’s a better actor than the majority of other working artists, and he’s the kind of guy that you imagine just throws himself into his work and gives absolutely everything he has. I remember reading somewhere that Winona Ryder, when she did Dracula with him, said something along the lines of, “Fuck, you’re intense!” A truer statement has probably never been spoken, and there is something unspeakably awesome and attractive about that. It’s probably the same sort of rationale as with Christopher Eccleston; essentially, passion is sexy and Gary Oldman has an abundance of it. Even when he’s not on screen you see it, as it is in the case of his film Nil By Mouth in which Ray Winstone gives an incredibly compelling and engaging performance, which I would attribute, in part, to Gary Oldman’s writing and directing skill(z)s. He’s just way too good at pretty much every role he’s in; as far as I’m concerned, The Professional would be half the movie it is had he not been in it, and who else could have sold Sid Vicious the way he did in Sid and Nancy? The man is a powerhouse of ‘intense’ (to steal from Ryder) acting ability and I adore him for it.

3.) Joss Whedon

Joss Whedon is the man behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, and the new Wonder Woman movie if studios weren’t impossible to please. He’s probably the least attractive of anyone on the list by anyone’s standards, and you might be (and by that, I mean you most definitely are) gaping at me for including him (it wouldn’t help for me to mention that he has a teensie bit of a lisp), but I assure you he’s awesome.

Whedon is incredible; really, he is. He openly called Donald Sutherland a dick, he’s hilarious, he’s got massive integrity and he’s an extremely talented writer. That first point is actually quaternary to everything else, but he certainly has some cojones to shit on an established actor like that. Anyway, back on track. When interviewed about the cancellation of his sci-fi television show Firefly halfway through its first season, he responded with (something similar to; I’m not sure what the direct quotation is), “When Firefly I was ecstatic! No, wait, the other thing.” In all of his interviews he’s extremely candid and funny; openly and honestly conveying the hardships and frustrations of being a writer and trying to put out a message. Not only that, he refuses to have his original work altered or padded to fit studio standards and he’s always proud of and dedicated to those things that he does manage to put out to the public. Whedon’s persistence with Firefly is just one example (and it paid off, given that Serenity, the film follow up to Firefly, was made). He’s very dorky/nerdy too, which is a fun plus; the man watches Final Fantasy 8 videos set to music by Evanescence on Youtube and somehow that’s incredibly endearing to me. Not to mention any guy with wit is automatically elevated to a higher platform in the hierarchy of my affections and Whedon’s got plenty of it.

4.) Stephen Colbert

If you aren’t in love with Stephen Colbert by now, regardless of gender, what the hell is wrong with you? I—I shouldn’t have to explain this to you. I can’t. There are no words. All I can do is show you this and hope you understand.

He played Dungeons and Dragons as a kid and he’s obsessed with Lord of the Rings. I—he’s—there are no words. He’s wonderful, that’s all it is.

5.) Hugh Laurie

If you’ve seen House, you’ll probably understand where I’m coming from. If you’ve only seen A Bit of Fry and Laurie, you could probably sympathize more with my completely fruitless and generally pathetic crush on Stephen Fry because Laurie fills more of a sidekick role in that relationship (which is weird when you compare it to his completely effortlessly dominating role of Gregory House). And if you’ve seen House, you really don’t need for me to explain why Hugh Laurie is attractive, but if you haven’t, I’ll try to make a go of it. Hugh Laurie has, generally, a bit of goof in his features. He’s not unattractive by any means, but certainly not a poster boy by any means either. I think he’s actually much more handsome now than he was in his Fry and Laurie days; he seems to wear age well. This fascination with him might be less Hugh Laurie, though, and more that everyone in their right mind kind of wants to have sex with House. It does nothing to dissolve the “women love closed off assholes” stereotype, but you really can’t help loving such a bitingly witty asshole like House. And Hugh Laurie plays him so perfectly! Besides, go and read The Gun Seller and come back and tell me that the man isn’t just generally hilarious. I swear, there’s something in the water in and surrounding England that makes everyone there incredibly funny and logical-defying-ly attractive. So, I suppose, in summation, wit + dick + mild handsomeness = intense handsomeness. Maybe less emphasis on the dick and more on the wit.

Oh, and did I mention he plays the piano?