NOT MEG WHITE

Have you seen the Meg White (of the White Stripes) NSFW sex tape?  If not, I wouldn't even bother clicking...honey, that aint her. I've seen the White Stripes over seven times, all from the front row and I know what Meg White looks like. Honey has bigger boobs and (unfortunately) not quite as cute of a face. We've seen sex tapes make celebrities look worse...but never better. Hence, NOT HER!

BRITNEY'S FORMER BODYGUARD CALLS HIMSELF "INHUMAN"

When asked by Matt Lauer if he was speaking against Britney simply for cash and notoriety, her former body guard said that that'd be "inhuman." Don't be so hard on yourself, buddy. Full interview here.

GOOD LUCK, DANE!

Hmm, "Good Luck Chuck" bombed.  Now whether or not you think Jessica Alba is a star (which is the ongoing debate most are having..."can she open a movie?!! Can sheee??!"), you've gotta admit that Dane Cook is running on fumes. Dude, get a fuckin job and move on. No one wants to see your ugly, pock marked face on TV, in movies or even on the cover of some "comedy" album, anymore. Buh BYE, joke stealer.

MILEY CYRUS IS OBVIOUSLY NOT PREGNANT

Yick. Who the fuck started that rumor? There was a wildly spreading rumor over the internet that the 14 (YES FOURTEEN!!!)-year-old star of "Hannah Montana" was pregnant. I mean, do you believe this fuckin' quote:

 "I'm going to take good care of my baby. I've already gained 7 pounds. I was in real shock when it happened accidentally. I went a little too far. I'm sorry to all of my fans."

YICK!  But yay, she aint pregnant. Now I can keep watching my favorite show!

TV IS SO GAY! WELL, NOT SO MUCH

Remember that whole fad to have tons of gay people on TV? Well according to GLADD, there are fewer and fewer gays and lesbians on network TV. I suppose since there are whole networks devoted to gays and lesbians, networks think they can get away from having gays on TV...but you're wrong, buster...I want to see TAINT on NBC!!!

Did I mention I'm not gay? Hmmm.

OKAY, WHAT THE FUCK

Apparently, Celebrities have been giving each other dead mice as gifts. Courtney Love started the trend when she gave it to Marc Jacobs' boyfriend, who wore the mouse on his lapel. Now Pete Doherty has given Kate Moss a dead mouse.

Guys, I hate mice. I kill them with traps when I have to, it's part of life. But this is just fuckin' sick.

Ok chicas, I've had enough.